Wednesday 11 July 2012

Down and out in Rome and the Vatican


Down and out in Rome and the Vatican

NAME: 
LOCATION: UNITED KINGDOM

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 20, 2006


DOWN and OUT in ROME and the VATICAN
Pizza, pasta, pickpockets, Cappuccino, Mario Puzo, mafia, Maurizio , Modena, Sonia Maino ,parmesan cheese, olive oil and a touristy trip to Venice.
That was what I associated with Italy till I landed there on a cold ,dark evening with my passport and credit card safely tucked beneath my underwear , a backpack on my back and map of Rome in my hand.

Hi … can you take me to Via del corsa?
I ask the Taxi Driver thrusting out to him a map of Rome.

Yes, Madame, he says with an easy confidence that makes me believe he knew where the via Del Corsa was. Relieved to be heard by an English speaking Taxi driver after a few failed attempts, I get into his taxi and warm up to the heating in the taxi on a cold and dark evening in Rome.

‘You arre ye cuming to roma new?’
Yes

You arre singul …
Mmm.. pardon …

You arre …lonely ... uh … singul.
Oh, I am here on a holiday… going to see a show in via Del corsa at 6.30.

And the Italian drives on.

‘You arre liking Roma’
Yes very much.

‘I show you ma beautiful roma… in the night in my Taxi … verry beeutifool…you weel have good time… eh !!!
Mmm…No thanks … will you drop me near via del corsa. I think I will walk it up.

‘No prroblame . 7 .20 pleease ‘

I thrust a 10 euro note… tipping him heavily and run out to find the via Del corsa.

Italian Abroad
One day I go abroad to bigga hotel. Inna morning I go down to eata breakfast. I tella waitress I wan two pissas toast. She brings only one piss. I tella I wan two piss. She say go toilet. I say you no understand. I wan two piss on ma plate. She say you betta no pissa onna plate you dirty sonna bitch.Later I go to cafe.

The waitress brings me knife but no fock. I tella I wan fock. She say everyone wan fock. I say you no understand. I wanna fock on table. She say you betta no fock on table you dirty sonna bitch. I fed up so I go back to hotel to sleep.

At hotel I find no shets on bed. I call manager and tella him I wanna shet on bed. He say you betta no shet on bed you dirty sonna bitch. I go to reception and man say "Pease on You". I say piss on you too farter of bitch. I gonna back to Italy pronto.


Since then I have been richer with knowledge. Knowing facts like café latte is no sophisticated form of coffee but an Italian translation for Coffee with milk. Expresso
(Essprrresso as the Italians call it) is nothing but the decoction that brews early morning at every Tam Bram household.

I have also come to understand that wherever in the world you go you shall bump into a Mallu and a Bangladeshi selling something there.

And the Australians too. They rock wherever they go and in whatever they do.
My trip to Italy would not have been what it was but for my Australian tour guide Hannah. She is a young beautiful, witty and intelligent girl in her early twenties, a self professed history nerd making a living by conducting guided walks for English speaking tourists, unravelling the mystery behind the Ruins in Rome.

For 5 euros you can get yourself photographed with these Roman Warriors. I am told for 10 Euros you could get yourself clicked kissing the pope. Much as I was tempted, I resisted the temptation not because of the 10 euros that it would cost but for its utility value. To cut a long story short, a few weeks back I went to a guided tour of Jameson’s whisky distillery in Dublin and volunteered to be a whisky taster. I tasted a few shots of Scotch whisky, jack Daniels and Irish whisky and swore to the audience that the Jameson Irish whisky was the best. (Although the Johnny walker was better.). They awarded me a laminated certificate pronouncing me as a certified Irish whisky taster amidst some grandeur that was akin to a graduation ceremony. I proudly put my photographs of the trip on the www and forward the link. The link does it rounds and lands up within the line of sight of the otherwise not so net savvy mom-in-law. I am not too sure if it was a dig at me, but the last time I called her she was grumbling that her poor son was reduced to eating cold sandwiches for dinner. I have decided not to take chances with controversial matters especially concerning the Pope. Someday, just in case they might ask me to run for the presidency of the United States. The poor pope may have to do all the answering. You see I am no Shabana Azmi.



For all its grandeur and its rich history today’s Roman (or should I say Romeo) lives in these apartments in the city of Rome. The Heritage sites are carefully preserved and that part of the city is for the tourists, archaeologists the excavators and the history nerds












The Roman ruins.The white building in the background was built by Benito Mussolini soon after the World War I. Every emperor who ruled the Roman Empire has built his palace over the centuries on this hill on the banks of river tibre. Benito Mussolini, at the peak of his power decided to make his mark in the history of Rome and constructed this building as his headquarters. His fascist rule was brought down after World War 1. Since then the Romans were having a bit of dilemma about this building lying right in the middle of the heritage conservation site. They decided to convert it into a free museum and added free access to the public toilet for all visitors. What a fitting tribute to the dictator!!!










































Explanations on the Colosseum are unnecessary if you have seen the movie Gladiator starring Russell Crowe. I am planning to see it soon.










THE VATICAN



The walled city of Vatican is the world’s smallest country and is an independent state. It is the head of Catholic headquarters of the world.
The Vatican when I visited was getting prepared for the Christmas mass.
A Huge Christmas tree is seen in the background. The photograph has been taken from podium on which the pope would address the midnight mass on Christmas day.

Early signs of the use of power point presentations, much before Bill gates sold it to us. On the walls of the Roman monuments opposite the colosseum stand these maps carved in black and white of the expansion of Roman Empire from 126 A.D through 17 A.D. The white portions depict the expansion of Roman Empire. The maps are not too accurate. But you need to forgive Emperor Augustus, coz. He lived in the times much before Christopher Columbus.

Early signs of consolidating power through expansions. And we all thought dressing up data, overrated projections were invented in late night work by trainees in corporate office around excel worksheets and power point slides.



























Use of electronic items is strictly prohibited during landing and the take off.
I get a cheap thrill in getting my photographs shot from my window seat every time I manage to get one. Not sure if a camera is classified as an electronic item !!!


Here are some good ones from my trips.




AND finally my Camera is getting the sack this Christmas. I am planning to buy a better one, on the day of sale after Christmas.

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